fragment

a hoop of darkness opens before us and the teeth are like angels to touch you now would be like mourning watch the birds in the blue daybreak I dreamed I was castrated but I can’t say by whom for a long time I could make words do what I wanted now they refuse to bend or meld the first time through the cantata it’s hard to hear how God is singing in the music cure me of this kind of reasoning o death surge against the windows like a sea lick my eyelids of sleep curb my desires as a measure of self-protection I’ve become systematically WORSE as a person I don’t know why I feel like it has to do with you I’m living in this narrow band of sensitivity the parameters of which I obey like yellow lines on the highway each body is a little cathedral the spine is a spire I stretch close and open my eyes clothed in thorns black flies circling his body like gawkers if it can’t be communicated it isn’t truth which has a natural force and velocity of expression don’t measure time in blocks of white it’s a horrible duty I’d rather get out of bed make breakfast clean the bathroom I’ve stopped waking up early but this is a rare exception I think I’m trying to avoid His gaze which is strongest at dawn we can transform pleasure into pain but never the other way around yes to be glued to you in the dark a little wine drunk why do these things still matter N won’t let me read Lispector she says certain authors are hers on the sun I bet the call tall yellow flowers earthflowers let’s carry the moon in the pocket of our happiness I don’t think my father told me much about his father ever my grandfather Joseph because he was angry had to…